A Message to Our Soldiers in Iraq

By "pacoinnyc"

Here are some simple rules that must be followed if you plan to have a future career in Washington:

-Please ensure you bleed at least until you are almost dead. This should be easily achieved. Always have the doctor remove any shrapnel, just so the Republicans can have the proof they require.

-If you do not bleed enough blood from your wounds, Republicans will mock your "superficial scratches," and take away any pride you may have in medals the US military awards you when Republicans call your awards "suspicious" and "perhaps fraudulent." Thereby accusing the US military of passing out medals as if they were halloween candy.

-If you lose limbs, be sure you lose at least all 4. Losing 3 or less limbs will make you an object of ridicule to the Republicans who will then question your patriotism.

It's understandable that you wish for your Republicans to appreciate your services for your Republicans and the risks you are taking, but unless the above rules are followed, Republicans will either hate, mock, denigrate and ridicule you, or simply ignore you completely.

WARNING:

Democrats will try to keep you safe by demanding that companies supplying war materiel send enough items such as body armor, up-armored humvees, ammo, working rifles, etc. BEFORE the war starts instead of after.

Do not accept any such items, or you will risk Republican wrath for being a sissy afraid to die for them, and for lowering their amounts of tax cuts by the need to pay for your sissy equipment. But still they will most likely make your children pay for that equipment.

Democrats will also try to bring you home out of danger, and before you are able to bleed out or lose your limbs. Again, do not accept such treasonous and immoral offerings or you will risk Republican wrath and hate.

By following the above rules and assuming you don't actually bleed to death, (which is, however, totally acceptable), Republicans will be generous in reward to you.

In the meantime, don't forget that Republicans have cut veterans' benefits in the past 3 years, they will ensure a tin cup and pencils to every properly maimed vet.

(Note: This was first posted on a Yahoo message board before it was brought to my attention by a loyal reader, "horseshorseshorses". I'm told that the author has given "public domain" permission to post it on the web. If you are the original author and wish me to remove it please email me.)

09/05/04